The Journey So Far

I am unsure of how we first met in childhood. Intuitively, I was shown that I met J.C. when I was five and he was seven in elementary school where we had a physical altercation. It happened because I spoke from my intuition, my femininity, freely in unfiltered ways many times. My innocence held up a mirror to his pain. That triggered his childhood wounds to his core, leading to out-of-control behavior. My left check bone needed repair from an unknown break when I had reconstructive jaw surgery at 36 for a congenital defect, which could be evidence of this altercation. My pain blocks my memories.

I had rejected my heart so profoundly, just like the grieving parent who forged this statue. After that, there wasn’t much left of my heart to connect with other people.

I left that elementary school after kindergarten as my parents got a divorce. My mother, brother and I moved the first year to a house in a different school district in an adjoining county. Then, we moved to a second story apartment in the same city for second grade where I slept in a room in the back next to her. There was no way to enter my room from my window two stories above the garage. I was again not in the same school district at J.C. I was “safe.”

The next time I remember seeing J.C. was in high school. He was A.S.B. president, super good-looking, tall, very fit, extra popular and a varsity letterman in several sports. My only friend from junior high school moved after 8th grade, so I had no true friendships there. I was alone amongst 2,000 kids. He wanted to talk to me, but I was deathly afraid of him. I didn’t know why I wouldn’t let him near me. He would just stare at me from a distance. I haven’t seen him in 40 years.

In November of 2024, I was guided to DM him, which opened up our souls to necessary healing between us discussed in my book published in April, 2025. On Memorial Day of 2025, I was intuitively guided to do more research on what transpired between us in our childhood. Then, I discovered that he lived ¼ mile from the house my father bought when I was 12 and he was 14. That house is in the same school district where I attended kindergarten. My father, my protector, wasn’t fulfilling his role.

The symbolism of Memorial Day means it was “memory day” for this childhood trauma. I needed to remember why I started hating my femininity so extensively when I was 15 ½ . That’s when 35 years of debilitating lower back pain began emanating from the wounds in my womb, my femininity, my sexuality, my voice. I was sexually repressed my whole life until I healed.

In May of 2025, I was still healing emotional wounds around my childhood relationship with J.C., which included both physical and sexual trauma. Intuitively, I was shown that he raped me at my dad’s house with my dad’s assistance while sedated, because my dad understood his pain. I was intuitively shown that my dad was sexually abused as a child. Additionally, J.C. would sleep outside my window in my backyard out of agony with my dad’s approval. Lastly, I was shown that I got pregnant and had a forced abortion from his dad while sedated, so I had no opportunity to use my voice to speak from my feminine womb. Personally, I have no recollection of any of that. But I understood him better recently when I listened to the song When a Man Loves a Woman. I cried while talking to his soul.

There are eight other signs that these events may have occurred. First, I learned that his dad was a surgeon, so he may have had access to drugs to help me “forget” a rape and abortion. I also see images of something being placed up my anus.

Second, I do remember starting huge fights with my father in the car between my mom’s house and his house when I was 15 ½. That way, he would just drive me straight back to my mom’s house without ever reaching his house on his weekends with me. I may have been protecting myself as my dad always slept at his girlfriend’s house, and my brother and I had a terrible relationship. I was alone and unprotected at night there–just ¼ mile from J.C.’s house. Wounds are inverted wisdom, and my dad was acting from a wound by leaving me home alone, which started when I was 11.

Third, I started talking to my dad first about sexually abusing me in January of 2021. I brought up how he made me sleep in his bed with him from six to eleven years old. I was trying to hold him to account, but he didn’t remember much. We started spending more time together as a result, which brought us both happiness.

Fourth, J.C.’s senior picture exudes extreme unhappiness. His soul told me he chose that picture, because he wanted me to see how he truly felt at 17. Additionally, there is a yearbook picture of me right after he came around me, infuriating me. Thankfully, I could see how I felt. His soul told me he did that on purpose as A.S.B. president.

Fifth, J.C. left for his Mormon mission when he was 18, which hits two ways. My mom always told me I couldn’t date until I was 16–he’d be gone. She let me date someone his age at 14 who was my height and not a threat, confirming my intuition that I couldn’t date “certain” boys until I was 16. I also have pictures of me at my dad’s house with my green Karmenghia when I was 16. I don’t remember fighting with my dad in the car like that after I bought my own car right before my 16th birthday.

Sixth, J.C. hasn’t responded to my two attempts to speak with him in 2024 and 2025. As A.S.B. president all four years of high school, I would think he would make time for classmates, typically. 

Seventh, I resonated very deeply with the “Emptiness” statue created by a grieving parent. “The universe is a mirror.” showing me myself in every moment as a constant feedback loop for self-improvement opportunities.

Lastly, while interacting with my first hero, I was intuitively shown that he got a girl pregnant in college, but his affluent and influential parents (dad was a doctor) made her get an abortion. I didn’t understand at the time how that vision was a mirror to my own wounds. I was also shown that she committed suicide as they took her womb in a forced abortion. My first hero’s dad practically lived at the Synagogue during Yom Kippor–Day of Atonement in Judaism. I explore this in my book, where Valentine’s day was the hardest day for my first hero. I finally understand him. I feel you, Tim, and thank you for your mirror into my pain.

I have never discussed this with him in person to confirm. I am sharing my internal reality with you. This is a wound in my soul. I needed a tremendous amount of “help” making it conscious. Six heroes showed up in my life to assist me in this endeavor, so I could understand myself and men a whole lot better.

Winston Churchill once said, “It is said that famous men are often the product of an unhappy childhood.” This is true amongst my heroes. If a soul wants to propel itself to the highest of highs, then it first has to be able to survive the lowest of lows.

Men in the top 1% are like this. Their souls need more extreme circumstances to have self-ascension opportunities, so they become firefighters, UFC world champions, CEOs and FBI and much, much more. Due to their childhood trauma, they can’t be with the female soul who created them. She is their most illuminating mirror. Before healing, these men’s wounds are triggered by her mirror beyond their capacity for self-control, leading to both physical and sexual violence. Then, he really can’t have her, fueling a cycle of shallow relationships. These wounded men go for breadth with many women, instead of depth with the one they need to be a balanced, mature man.

This phenomenon is a major driver of men’s unbalanced behavior patterns. Each and every man with these issues NEEDS to heal with their feminine. Monogamy with your soulmate is the path to enlightenment. The extensive healing he needs is with her and only her. The woman is the emotional center of the relationship, so when she is out of balance, he goes much further out of balance. He is orbiting her with provisioning and protecting services, so he is literally out on a limb–way more emotionally risky. His nervous system is also more fragile neurologically. Women, we need to take better care of our men.

Women need to take responsibility for how to occupy the emotional center of a relationship in a healthy, balanced way. This provides him with consistent emotional support where mental health is created and sustained. She has to take responsibility first for her pain and process it through to forgiveness for herself and him. Then, he is finally able to process his emotional pain. This is why men need to hold space for women to process their emotional pain first.

Men’s turn for emotional processing is next, providing her with an opportunity to hold space for him. Men, women take 10 times longer to heal from trauma neurologically, so please be patient with us. We need you to hold space for us. We need to talk through our pain to see our own hearts more clearly. We heal when we feel safe–no yelling or lashing out, please..

This generational trauma is a major driver of what is called “The Patriarchy.” I am here to help unearth the emotional pain, or darkness, in our collective of souls, bringing it into our collective consciousness for healing purposes. I hope you join me in providing yourselves and these men with compassion, nurture and love, so we can all process our emotional pain, ending this cycle of generational trauma.

Feminism screwed up the collective by teaching women that they should leave the center of the relationship to be the orbiter, or provider. Also, feminism was a response to out-of-control men abusing women physically and sexually. But, then, why are men abusive? Without a healthy balanced center, how can the orbiter move in balanced, healthy ways?

We are in this together as a collective. Let’s act like it. I had to learn my lessons the hard way just like everyone else.

I have spent the last 10 years figuring out why my soul planned my life with so much grief, pain, and isolation, i.e. self-hate, prior to acknowledging the signs and synchronicities I have with Mary Magdalene. This is what I learned.

Our souls plan our lives based on our wounds for self-improvement purposes. I needed those events to transpire with J.C. to fuel my self-expansion. His soul showed up during first enlightenment experience in March of 2024. My emotional pain regarding him took me to the deepest parts of my shadow, my subconscious, in order to catapult me to my highest emotional achievment–enlightnement. My soul has a plan!

The deeper the valley of darkness one is able to descend, the more propulsion and inertia one gains to ascend their next mountain top. For example, if I want to climb Mt. Everest, I need to endure tremendous physical, emotional and mental exertion to be successful. Enlightenment–an emotion–functions in the same way. I had to be able to process super deep emotional pain in order to gain enough propulsion to climb my emotional Mt. Everest–enlightenment. Learning to surf the waves of life is how one expands their emotional range to become a more mature and self-aware human being.

Souls are energy bodies proven by physicists, so the laws of physics explain how our souls plan our lives for growth opportunities. The valleys and mountains are incorporated by design to create inertia for our ascension to higher vibrating, more soul-transformative emotions. This physics experiment demonstrates that the more valleys and mountains one is able to navigate successfully, the more wounds they can alchemize into wisdom–higher vibrating energy like enlightenment, peace and love.

While healing the past 10 years, I became aware that I had a fear of ALL men and a fear of being sexually abused in my soul. To alchemize my wounds into wisdom at a soul level, I needed to accept that I had them in my soul first. I had to acknowledge my wounds prior to being able to unveil the wisdom stored inside. That’s the healing process. I have to be able to process my own pain. No other individual or spiritual being, including God, is able to do it for me. I MUST alchemize my own wounds into wisdom to learn my own lessons per my soul’s plan. It doesn’t matter if Jesus forgives me if I don’t forgive myself and process my emotional pain in my own soul. I am responsible for my pain, you are responsible for yours. End of story, DONE!

Cruel events are one way the universe holds a mirror to the wounds in our souls. Abusive event = wound in soul existed PRIOR to occurrence of unbalanced event. Our souls plan our lives for the traumatic event to trigger and expose the wound for healing purposes. It doesn’t create the initial wound. (How wounds are created is a whole other story for another day.) I was born with these wounds in my soul and/or my wound was created from the 15-20 generations of trauma stored in my DNA from my ancestors. His actions helped elevate them to the surface for healing purposes. Triggers are my healing friend and not my healing foe!

My soul planned my life to experience society-desimating, emotional wounds. I took on pain like divorce, child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, isolation, parental alienation, suicide, and much, much more. I did this to turn my suffering into insight to expand my own consciousness and model healing techniques to the collective. Carl Jung helps me understand this process with two of his quotes.

“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection. To round itself out, life calls not for perfection, but for completeness. For this, the ‘thorn in the flesh is needed.’ The suffering of defects without which there is no progress and no ascent.”

“One does not become enlightened by imagining beings of light, but by making their darkness conscious.”

My soul’s purpose is to help myself and the collective accept the truths in the first quote and accomplish the task in the second. I achieve this by modeling how to make my darkness conscious for both individual and societal well-being on a global scale. This healing process leads me right back to Mary Magdalene.

The only prophecy I am aware of about Mary’s return is from The Cathars, which I recently learned. The Cathars were located in the Languedoc region of southern France where I lived when I was 1-3 years old in Toulouse. 

They followed Mary Magdalene’s teachings regarding “The Way of Love.” They emphasized spiritual awakening found within and a return to the principles of self-love, enlightenment, and community that the Cathars and Mary Magdalene embodied. The Medieval Inquisition eradicated this group in the 14th century when an estimated million followers were killed.

The Cathars prophesied she would return in 2021, approximately 700 years after their destruction. I found her inside myself when my voice surged from my beautiful, feminine, maternal womb on December 30, 2020. I had just returned from a spiritual trip to Sedona, Arizona, benefiting from the healing energy there emanating from the numerous vortexes. I went there for the Winter Solstice to usher in the Age of Aquaries–a time of healing and spiritual awakening. My astrological chart confirms the importance of this trip. Evolutionary astrologer and archetypal psychologist, Peter Dedes, said, “That Sedona timing was perfect as Mars was transiting your natal Mars in Cancer activating your divine feminine warrior energy exactly when you needed it.” pic of Sedona - only one with me in it.

On that fateful day in December, I had a life-changing interaction with the first of five heroes in my book–all of whom led me back to my original hero, J.C.. My first hero brought up Israel at yoga before class, providing me with an opportunity to embrace my feminine voice as a strong counterbalance to his masculine interest in me. I entered the conversation, and we spoke some Hebrew as he is Jewish and speaks fluently. My ex-husband is Israeli, so I speak it at a basic level. Then, a miracle happened. The 35 years of debilitating lower back pain I had experienced was gone instantly. That’s how fast self-love transforms self-hate. I was successful, because I embraced and celebrated my voice emanating from my womb, my femininity, my sexuality.

Emotional and physical pain is an initiation process whereby one prepares to unveil wisdom stored inside one’s pain. I learned that pain is beautiful, because it reveals what longs to be healed. My own inability to transform emotional pain into personal wisdom is the ONLY reason I suffered so long.

I had to learn my lesson that the emotional box of darkness J.C. left me with was a gift. That “gift” formed the foundation for how I learned to alchemize my wounds as a healer in this lifetime. I am grateful for the wisdom revealed within my wounds. Without the wounds, there is no wisdom. Rumi wisely said, “You have to break your heart to open your heart. The wound is where the light enters for healing purposes.”

The Cathar’s prophecy clarified intuitive guidance I started receiving in 2021. I kept hearing, “You are on the Jesus Council.” I didn’t know what to make of it. I only remembered J.C.’s last name in November of 2024 when I was guided to reach out to him the first time. I had to look him up in my yearbook. That intuitive guidance was confusing for three years until I saw his last name.

Since 2021, I also kept being told. “You’re on a ‘Mission from God’ like The Blues Brothers.” J.C. and I went to high school together in the early 1980’s when Animal House and The Blues Brothers were popular. As A.S.B. president, he organized toga dances. He also wore Ray Bans like The Blues Brothers. Lastly, after my first enlightenment experience in March of 2024, I kept being told intuitively that I “won” the God Competition. I think I was being teased by J.C.’s soul.

After I reached out to J.C. in November of 2024, I was intuitively shown more information on this topic while experiencing enlightenment several times. I was told that I am an “Agent of God.” And, I hid teachings in one lifetime to be found in another. I googled “Agent of God” in June of 2025, which means “prophet” or “angel” in Biblical Hebrew. Then, shortly after, YouTube videos of The Gospel of Mary started appearing on my feed. I learned that copies of it were found in both 1897 and 1947. My teachings of self-love for personal ascension align with her work.

Heaven on earth is women’s work. It is the internal work of how to make one’s darkness conscious. Heaven is not an external reality that is automatically created during the second coming of Christ. Heaven is created internally first. Our external reality is a reflection of our internal reality showing us our wounds and our wisdom for self-improvement purposes. When you notice someone being selfish, that is your soul showing you the selfishness inside of you. The universe is a mirror reflecting the energies in your soul back to you for healing purposes. The frequencies your soul resonates with is what moves your energy, drawing in your attention. Here is the physics experiment showing this phenomenon.

When people learn to transform their emotional wounds into personal wisdom, it will be automatically reflected in the collective consciousness. The higher a person’s soul vibrates, the more transformative their energy becomes for their soul and the collective of souls. See this physics experiment to see how this works.

While my personal work helps everyone, it is up to each individual to take accountability for their wounds by embodying improved self-care techniques. After more people in the collective achieve that goal, then our societies will also see noticeable improvement. This is why change is an inside job.

Here is an example of a misguided attempt at creating an external reality to improve our internal reality. Communism is an external solution to an internal problem. To understand why, let’s look at how our souls orchestrate our lives.

Souls plan and orchestrate our lives based on our wounds for self-improvement purposes. Each soul has wounds and wisdom specific to it. Some souls need a lot of money to see inside of themselves to alchemize their darkness into consciousness successfully. Other souls need to be homeless to accomplish the same task. The reason capitalism is best aligned with universal truths is it provides the most diversity of opportunity for personal growth, meeting the ever growing needs for soul expansion possibilities. Change is an inside job. When we each do the work to change our internal realities, making our darkness conscious, all of our external realities will naturally reflect those internal changes. We create heaven on earth together by loving ourselves more and more every day.

To have personal expansion opportunities, I have the role of figuring out how healing works, so I wrote my first book My Inner Heroine: Exploring Feminine Pain. I am here as a guide and a role model of how to alchemize wounds into personal insight, increasing your soul’s vibration and expanding your emotional range, hopefully, to include enlightenment. I am not here to save or rescue anyone and neither is J.C.. First, it is impossible to rescue another soul from their wounds. Each soul is solely responsible for that task–every pun intended. Second, why would I deprive you of the epiphanic experience of feeling your wound transform to wisdom? Additionally, how empowering is it to do it yourself, knowing you are the only one who can? Your answers to those questions are the reason we are souls having a human experience.
I have a lot more to share on this front. I will capture it in my upcoming book, My Inner Heroine: Unveiling My Soul